When Mr Perfect is Perfectly Married..

Jun 1, 2015 | Fashion



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I was 21.. Young impressionable and giddy!! Extremely gawky but super fashion conscious.. I wore this really awesome leopard print halter next cropped top.. I remember it had 4 strings.. 2 tied round my neck and two across my back to hold it together.. I teamed this with black flared pants..just the right length for heels and just the right tight to dance the night away..

It was such an amazing party.. I forget where it was.. I was happy..  ..free..young..dancing..excited.. No special man caught my eyes.. They all seemed too young.. too normal..un-intriguing..Giggling with the girls was much more fun..Right up till I looked across the room..

Everything else stoooood stock still. … Our eyes met and he smiled.. I smiled back cheekily.. and in true bashful fashion.. I looked away.. I knew he would come and speak to me..
He did.. and we chatted so easily.. Till the end of the party..I was set to go back to school with my friends.He promised he would stop by in 2 days.. I totally knew he would..

In 2 days he came visiting..We set off on our first date..I walked to his car.. It was a super nice ride.. No Surprise there.. He was Mr Perfect.. We got on even better than the night before.. we talked for hours.. we laughed at each other’s jokes..we smiled into each others eyes.. he found my acerbic wit endearing.. he never tried to be in-appropriate.. Another great sign.. He was Mr Perfect..

My heart was full.. I was unto a great thing.. I smiled in thanks.. I stood with my shoulders held high and the sheen of budding new love glowing in my eyes.. I saw the same feelings mirrored in his eyes… The feeling was absolutely mutual..

“I have something to tell you”, he says to me at the end of the evening.. As he drops me off at school.. I smiled knowingly and asked him what.. Of course he was about to tell me how much he was into me..How amazing our connection was.. how he wasn’t here to fool around …. I smiled in anticipation.. Looked into his eyes and uttered two words excitedly.. “Go on!!“..

He made a circular gesture with his right hand on the fourth finger of his left hand. I laughed hard and thought.. surely he is not already about to ask me to marry him.. I was blissfully unaware.. with nary an inkling where he was headed..

He smiled, shook his head..took a deep breath and blurted out… “I am married”..I was floored..devastated..My first question as I sat confused was.. “Where is your wedding band?? Why didn’t you tell me???!!!!!!!” At this point.. I think it  is most appropriate to give you a little background on the girl I was..

I was undergoing  my Undergraduate studies; Cell Biology and Genetics at the University of Lagos. I had never dated a married man and frowned “quite unforgiving” at any girl that did so..I had zero tolerance and was very judgemental.. This is a watered down version of how I carried on in my sanctimonious ways..

.. And here I was .. On a date with a married man..And I totally enjoyed it.. And even  “really” liked him..

What it taught me:

1. Married men are perfectly normal and some can be totally likeable and attractive.  It is quite easy to fall in love with a married man
2. HALT ALL JUDGEMENTS.. No one is perfect and you do not know their struggles (If there are any)

How I handled my perfectly married Man..

I was devastated.. I heard him out and I went back to my friends.. They all stayed awake waiting to find out how my date went.. I walked into the room and blurted out.. “Girls he is married“.. And I promptly went to bed and came up with a decision.

My thought process went along these very simple lines..”He is married.. There is absolutely no point exploring a relationship with Him.. He belongs to someone else.. No point wishing he were single.. No point seeing him again.. No point falling harder.. No point trying to be just friends.. Severe all ties immediately“.. and I did.

The experience sort of opened my eyes to the world and made me “more understanding ” of peoples circumstances..

I was able to make the decision I did (severing all ties and walking away) because I was surrounded by good influences (friends and family) and I, even in my naughty childish ways had my values clearly spelled out and was living to my best ability on God’s word.. Albeit stretched a bit thinly..

I still stand firmly on the same belief my 21 year old self had..Dating a Married man is totally unacceptable.. In every way.. I however do not stand passing judgement on any one doing so.. I would voice my opinion without holding back and give my opinions which usually runs along similar lines as those outlined below..

1.For monetary reasons?? Your parents are hard up and a married man seems the only way you can live a decent lifestyle or be able to pay for your tuition ..You are left with no choice.. “Sorry, not a good enough excuse

2. You actually really love Him and are in a full blown normal healthy relationship with a perfectly married man.. Not for monetary reasons.. It is just a healthy relationship.. Errr.. No it isn’t..

There is a way out.. You have to believe you deserve better.. Pray for better.. Work hard and there would always be a solution.. Innocent healthy help would come..Not a trade by barter relationship..

I am quite aware that some religions and cultures support polygamy.. If that is the case.. Whilst I still do not agree with it.. I respect your views..

To all the single girls out there that still haven’t met their perfectly single men and find every corner lurking with Perfectly Married Men.. Hold on to this belief.. Your Mr perfect is out there and he is Perfectly Single.. Focus on exactly what you want in a man and pray/wish for it earnestly with all our heart.. It shall come at the right time…

In the meantime…keep busy becoming the woman that inspires YOU..


Have a blessed week all…



Ezinne Chinkata

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